Daily Ascend

What is life without love? what is love? what does it feel like?

I will be the first to admit that I do not know what love is all about. Am I a sociopath? Somedays, it feels as though I don’t know what love is at all. I feel the same way towards my own family the way I feel towards strangers – but shouldn’t I love family and friends more? Do I even love anyone or do I just feel indifferent towards everyone.

There is a fine line between being a psychopath and sociopath. Society in general correlates the two equally the same and as evil, but in reality one of these two definitions are people who just don’t feel emotion, but are not physical violent or abusive. Just because you may not love someone and may feel indifferent towards people does not mean that you are going to be physically violent towards people. Those with no emotion may still have a healthy respect and higher morality standard to determine what is right or wrong.

I thought I knew what love was –

I thought I knew the feeling of love, but I find myself struggling to connect with people. I am struggling to find the meaning and the feeling of love towards anyone in this world.

I look out my window and I find that I am surrounded by darkness while others that I know and have known are living life in new, fresh, and healthy relationships. Am I really the last remaining single person in the group of people that surround me? More and more wedding invitations are being past around me, while I stand back alone.

Life is Tough, Get a helmet

Life is rough. It is an endless cycle of difficult choices that only leads to more difficult choices just in a different time frame. Life can be fun, but it can also be boring, sad, and unforgiving in a never ending pattern that just keeps repeating. I know no more about life than anyone else – what I do know is that no one on earth can change the past, as much as we may want too, we are physically not capable of returning to the past to change our past choices and mistakes. I have been thinking recently about my past, and more specifically about my middle school and high school experience, and how it is lacking. I imagine what it would be like if time travel was possible and if I was able to go back and redo my high school experience – would I really change anything? or is it all inevitable?

I was not the most popular kid in school – I was barely known. I hid in the shadows of just about everybody else – [which would make me a good secret spy]. I did not stand out or get involved. My choice was born out of my desperation to not embarrass myself – which is stupid because I had far too many embarrassing moments, such as getting sick in the middle of my health class final exam. Getting sick during the exam was only the beginning of the end because it was the beginning of my high school experience as a freshmen. Throughout the next three years would not be much better, although I did not get anymore sick (I learned my lesson), I did however have to constantly overcome the loneliness. I had a few friends, but I would now just call them acquaintances, I still ate lunch alone and mostly hung out in the library at that time – it’s the price I paid to be an introvert. Being an introvert is not that bad, I have now fully accepted my role as an introvert and wear it as a badge of honor – it allows me to really listen to what people have to say. I listen more than I talk and I learn a lot more about people when I listen. People will also  reveal so much more to a person when they are not interrupted with chitter-chatter. I become the holder of many secrets and hear the thoughts that people reveal.

I Am Forever Changed By Your Love

I am forever changed, and not in a negative way. I am changed for the better. I have lived in an self-isolated bubble for most of my childhood growing up. In some ways, I still live in that bubble but I have experiences outside that bubble that is allowing myself to grow. I have an outlook of life that is getting better, a future that I dream of achieving, and a destiny that is just around the corner. Where will life take me? I am changed – I am growing and learning new ways in which I can create a future. I am free to run and free to dance, I am not contained to one location, but the entire world is within my grasp